We are not much different after all.

I had a very moving experience this week.

During our family relations class, our teacher asked for some volunteers for a demonstration. I volunteered and I was placed as the mom. A few more students were chosen until we had a complete family of two children, a mom and dad, an uncle and aunt, a cousin, and a grandma. We then were told what we would be portraying. We were going to portray a typical family located in Mexico.

I won’t lie at first, I was a little confused about how this tied into family relations, but as our story began to unfold, I began to understand the connection. In the beginning we were a big closely-knit family.

Our teacher explained to us that most of the men that work down in Mexico are quite skilled craftsmen. They are the main provider of the family and the mothers usually stay home and take care of the kids. That is what our little group of students were supposed to portray until our teacher announced that my husband and I had made the decision to move to the United States. For this to happen, our husband and father had to leave before us and we would not see him for at least a year, if not more. On that happy note, my “husband” left my side and even though it wasn’t real, I felt a strong emotion began to well up in me. I felt loss. I found myself think about my two kids and the additional responsibility that lay ahead. I didn’t realize how nice it was to have someone else just standing beside me until he moved to the other side of the room, then I didn’t have it anymore. Without meaning to, my “daughter” and I ended up standing closer together as my “son” drifted further away. It was so interesting to see that just by my husband leaving, there was distance created between me and my son. Our teacher then moved out relatives close to us and it seemed to fill the hole. That is until he announced that we would now be joining our husband and father in the United States. Our aunt started to cry, and I did not blame her.

He then explained the complexity of crossing the border. Stories that I had heard about, but I was not sure if they were true. Turns out that most of them are fact such as it was a fact that some people never make it to the border because they die along the way. He also told us that rape is not uncommon or sex trafficking. There are quite few women who had to endure this in order to be reunited with their husbands and then when they were finally reunited with their spouse, it is not always met with happy tears and shouts of joy. There is quite a bit of adjusting that needs to go on.

What I noticed was how unnatural it was to stand next to my “husband” and my kids also kept a distance from him. It was as though he was a stranger to us even though he only left fifteen minutes prior. Also, I could feel the strain as we tried to figure out who played what role in the family again. Our family was not the same as it was at the beginning of the demonstration and it was curious to feel the difference…because it was just supposed to be pretend. Wasn’t it?

I never realized how hard it was for families to leave their homeland but most importantly their connections. Their aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmas, grandpas, nieces, and nephews. It is heartbreaking. What is more heartbreaking is seeing what time and distance can do to even the closest-knit families. It messes with the roles. It creates uncertainty with in the family. Bonds are broken that should never be tampered with.

It opened my eyes to how it doesn’t matter what culture you are from, what language you speak, or where you live, family is the basic unit. I felt the absence of my pretend family when they left me because that is how humans are. We are meant to be in family units and keep those units together.

Something I have always loved about the Latino culture is their desire to keep close ties with their family members. Those relationships are the most important to them and they put those as priority. I want to incorporate this value into my own family.

I believe there is something to be learned when we began to love and respect the families of various cultures. We gain greater insight into what family should be.

What are some aspects that you admire about other cultures that you would like to incorporate in your family? Comment below.