It Is Better to Wait

Imagine you are at the store and you are standing in front of your favorite candy bar (Mine is Reeses). You know you should buy it, you even have the money in your pocket! But you know how good that candy bar tastes and that makes you want to eat it…right now! Eventually, you can’t take it any longer, so you grab it off the shelve, rip the wrapper, and proceed to shove its contents in your mouth. Right as your about to finish the remainder of the candy bar, the manager of the store walks around the corner and spot you. With a mixture of anger and surprise, he walks up to you and demands to know what you are doing. With bit of candy bar around your mouth, you just stare back at him because you cannot think of an intelligent way to tell him that you were planning on buy it. You now feel stupid as you fumble over your words for any explanation to your actions. The candy bar all the sudden doesn’t taste as good as it begins to settle into the pit of your stomach.

Okay so what was the point of having you imagine all of that. Well, today my topic is on sexual intimacy and I am going to use the analogy of the unbought candy bar.

For some people, talking about or even saying the word sex is just as bad as dropping the f-bomb. Especially for those who have not engaged in sexual intimacy, it could be perceived as something dirty and secretive. Here is the thing, just like the candy bar, sex in itself is very pleasurable and lovely thing. There is nothing dirty or wrong about it, but it how and when you decided to engage in it that keeps it lovely.

Let’s take the analogy of the candy bar.

The candy bar will taste better and be associated positive emotions, if it is bought before it is eaten. Why? Because of the effort you have put in. This is the same with sexual intimacy. Sex would just be sex if there is no effort to make it intimacy.

Let me define intimacy.

“Intimacy is feelings of emotional closeness and connectedness with another person and the desire to share each other’s innermost thoughts and feelings. Intimate relationships are characterized by attitudes of mutual trust, caring, and acceptance”, according to optionsforsexualhealth.org. This can only be achieved by really getting to know someone, trusting them, relying on them, making commitments, and then incorporating physical touch, or in other words, the R.A.M. model.

(If you want further explanation of the R.A.M. Model, then follow this link to my previous blog post, https://thelab.family.blog/2019/02/17/taking-the-fear-out-of-dating/)

As human beings, we long for a closeness with others. We long to be intimate. Sex is a need that we have, but it isn’t just used to get pleasure, it should be used to become more intimate with the other person. The best way to use sex is in marriage.   

I am not trying to be old fashion here or even religious! Studies have proven that those who engage in sexual relations within the bonds are marriage are more satisfied with their sexual relationship than those who engage in sexual relations outside marriage. Why is this? Again, it is all about intimacy and the effort you have made to create intimacy.

Some of you may be thinking “well, what about cohabitation? It’s basically like marriage so there should be the same benefits”. Not true. Studies have shown that those who cohabitate and have sexual relations are less satisfied with the sex and the relationship in general. Commitment brings security which allows intimacy to grow and sex with no intimacy is of little to no value.

So yes, if you are looking for a satisfying experience, it is better to wait.