There is a moment that almost every girl dreams about; the wedding. They talk about it, day dream about it, and then talk about it some more. No, we are not obsessed with it, but we would be lying if we didn’t admit that we don’t look forward to it.
It funny how much we are prepare for the actual event but how little we prepare for what the event indicates. A union of two people. A merging of two lifestyles.
That is a rather daunting task!
It takes more than just a proposal, engagement, and wedding to make a marriage. It takes creating a foundation to make a steady marriage that will withstand the storms. The proposal, engagement, and wedding can be an important part of this foundation if we use them in the correct ways.
Here are somethings that can make or break your marriage.
- The proposal
There are some false beliefs and true beliefs that center around the proposal. The first being about the engagement ring.
No, men. Bigger is not always better. Sometimes, smaller is actually tons better and healthier for your marriage. There is a correlation between the cost of wedding ring and the likelihood of divorce. According to NBC News, women who received engagement rings costing over 2,000 dollars were 1.3 more likely to divorce then women who receive an engagement ring between cost 500 and 2,000 dollars. This being said, don’t go too cheep boys, because the data also states that men that spend less than 500 dollars are also found to deal with higher divorce rates.
The second is the whether the man should just pop the question without discussing marriage with the women or should there be a discussion first?
A growing trend among young adults considering marriage is setting the date before the proposal has been ever made. Some may argue that this growing trend me be part of the reason why some marriages end in divorce. You see, studies have shown that women are less likely to divorce if they can look back with fondness at the way the marriage started, and there is something about a man taking a chance that she might say no but proposing anyway that makes a woman back with more fondness. Just a something to consider.
2. The engagement
Most people think that the engagement period is for planning the wedding, the reception, and the honeymoon, but engagements would be more beneficial if they are used to plan the marriage. What I mean by this is that bringing two different background together and expecting them to work in harmony is not going to happen overnight. It is a process. The engagement period gives you time to create a smoother transition. Instead of talking about wedding colors, maybe it would be better to talk about how you are going to merge your finances and who will take care of the bills. Instead of figuring out many bridesmaids, it would more beneficial to discuss how many hours you both are going to need to use for jobs, school, or other activities, and how many you will promise to give to your spouse.
It is worrisome that most people my age talk more about the wedding than what happens after the wedding. This time should really be used to prepare for marriage, not for the wedding.
3. The wedding and reception
Studies have shown with along with the cost of an engagement ring, the cost of a wedding also have a correlation with the rate of divorce. Those with a wedding costing 20,000 or more have a 1.6 higher rate of divorce that those who spend 5,000 to 10,000. Then those who spend 1,000 or less have a rate below the average.
How much money is put into the wedding is not important. What is more important is having support from many friends. Those who have a good support system have a lower chance of getting divorced, so here is a suggestion.
Keep the cost low and the number of people you invite high, then have them help with the reception! Let some them DJ! Have others help with the decore! The more they are connected to the couple and the event, the more likely they are to offer their support.
There you have it! Build a strong foundation for your marriage…not just your wedding.
The Family Lab 